Saturday, November 19, 2011

The obsessive non-judgmental

I remembered, after writing the previous post, that there's one situation in which I slightly fear people that have been talking about me behind my back, but it's a very particular one. I fear the judgmental kind when mixed with boredom or unhappiness. Luckily, I don't think I'm involved with many people like that. The judgmental don't seem to recognize the difference between their opinion and the truth, even when the concept of truth doesn't apply. And when miserable or bored, sometimes it's hard to refrain from meddling in other people's lives, or taking something out on them.

I don't fear judgment that much, cause I'm not judgmental myself. A shallow analysis might lead you to think otherwise. I'm obsessive, I have often very strong ideas about what's wrong and what's right, and I'm vocal about it, both when I'm being serious and when I'm not. I can disapprove of what you did and say it. But I'm not judgmental. I think I have been asked about most of my friends, by other friends upon casual encounter "How can you be friends with X?". "I don't understand how you can hang out with X". I've heard that a lot. I get along with really different people. And I would guess it's because I'm not truly judgmental. I can usually understand where people are coming from, nobody needs to remind me that nobody is perfect, and when I can't understand I try to remember there's a lot more out there than what I can see or grasp. It takes many falling-outs before any serious judgment happens.

I will disagree at some point in life, with something you've done, something you've said, something you've chosen. It may be something big. You may have told me about it. I may complain. If I liked you before, I'm sure I liked you after. If I thought you were smart before, I'm pretty sure you still seemed smart afterwards. And whatever the hell you've told me about yourself or whatever I've heard, rest assured that the way I feel about you is 90% based on what has gone on between us personally. Whoever you are, as long as we're at least a microscopic bit more than acquaintances. And if we're anything less, why should you ever care what I think.

As I know I will disagree with you, I'm well aware that you will disagree with me. Whether you are an ass about it and banter me with your opinion, or if you're empathically polite and don't say a peep, I'll know, and I may even be able to tell what, when and how. I'm happy to agree and find common ground with my friends, but it doesn't kill anybody when we don't.


Cachito said...

My name is Dimitri. Dimitri is greek. The pencil is on the table. Open the door. She is a teacher.

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